Easily Distracted

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how easily distracted we become. “Everyone” is concerned about health care and 2/3 of all Americans want health care reform, including some sort of universal health care, but our congress takes months and months to act. We become frustrated by the slow, messy process of legislating the mess (which some have likened to making sausage) and get distracted but other things – often very silly things. So we end up with a watered down version of what we really want that never does anything; and the rich get richer, the poor get poorer, and we’re all unhappy.

The biggest problem is that most of the time we cannot focus on more than one thing at once, and let’s face it, the problems have been pretty big over the past year. We tend to look for any excuse to escape, so we are distracted by really stupid stuff. The 24/7 nature of news nowadays only makes the problem worse. News organizations have to constantly “feed the beast” – fill air time or post new items to their Web sites.
Having worked in television, I can attest it isn’t some basic conspiracy. But we are like sheep, easily led astray – staring at the guy waving a sign that says “look over here.” Usually it has to do with celebrity gossip, sports, or – most likely – being much more concerned with our own problems than with the “big picture” problems. I’m not sure how to solve this, but here are three simple things that might help.

1. Get informed, diverse news and opinion. Having more ways to get our news is a very positive thing – I firmly believe that. Looking for information from multiple sources is also a good way to keep from simply confirming any bias you already have. It helps to get alternate perspectives and to question what you hear or read.
2. Accept that there is usually a legitimate, alternate viewpoint. Anyone who has ever been involved in a news story will tell you that the news entity got the story wrong. This is because bias and perspective play a huge part in how we understand anything. If news reporting were just about reporting “facts” we would never have any news.
3. Expect and demand accountability from news media. Write to news editors and journalists and ask them to focus on the things that really matter. Tell them what you think – but do it in a respectful, constructive manner – and make sure you sign your correspondence, including contact information. Nowadays, the majority of so-called feedback that news media get is anonymous, nasty in tone and completely discounted. Signing correspondence insures that you’ll be taken seriously and that you will be respectful to the recipient.

I guess it goes back to what my teachers always said about politics in general: if you don’t like what’s happening, get involved, get in the game, and stop standing by the sidelines.

Why Do Men Like to Tease?

I used to think they pulled baby boys aside at birth and slid them a handbook on the flair and function of teasing their sisters with style. I had plenty of experience with teasing, practically from the time I was born. I have both an older and a younger brother and they practiced their skills on all four of their sisters.

My older brother elevated teasing to an art form – spending hours, even days, executing his particular brand of devilry. He’d speak to the middle of my forehead all day or call me any strange nickname he could think up or make fun of one physical attribute or another. In hindsight, pretty stupid stuff. But it’s enough to drive a seven- (or eight- or nine-) year-old to distraction.

My mother’s response was consistent: “Just ignore him!” I love my mother, but this advice was dreadful for obvious reasons. First is the essence of my brother’s nature. He is stubborn – even more stubborn than I am. Second, and more importantly, is the essence of my nature. I cannot hide my feelings. I am the world’s worst poker player. One high school English teacher said you could read my entire day on my face. Now imagine the combination of these two aspects in our respective personalities. If I had somehow managed to “ignore him” without for a moment imparting any emotion on my face – a feat that’s like climbing Everest for me – my brother’s response would be to try even harder to get a rise out of me. He would see it as an immense challenge worthy of conquering. Sadly, I never gave him such a challenge. Ignoring him is a practical impossibility.

My younger brother is also an expert tease, but he has his own unique style. Being a dozen years older, I avoided the brunt of his teasing, at least until he grew taller than me. When we could finally see eye-to-eye, he started pushing on the top of my head, to help me shrink enough so that I’d be shorter than him. Then he’d play word games, being deliberately obtuse and “misunderstanding” something I’d said to the point of ridiculousness. He still loves that game.

My brothers gave me a lot of practice dealing with the fine art of the tease. But I quickly learned the practice isn’t exclusive of sisters. Boys, in general, love to tease. They love getting a rise out of us and seeing us get all in a dither.

Most of the women I know don’t like this much. It’s irritating. It makes you uncomfortable. It brings out the worst in us. So why do it?

For my brothers, I can only guess that they couldn’t inflict any physical harm (no wrestling, no tackling, no hitting your sisters), so they resorted to a little mental torment. All siblings like to fight, and this is a good way to get your licks in without doing any physical damage.

But what about adult men? Is it a form of flirting? A way to get our attention? Going back to Mom, her response would be a resounding, “Yes. He’s only teasing you because he likes you!” That’s probably true, but aren’t there better ways of getting our attention?

Looking back, the tormenting from brothers probably prepared me for the strange teasing and games that happen in the adult world: in interpersonal relationships as well as the corporate world.

So why do men like to tease?

The only logical answer I can come up with is – because they find it so much fun.