Why Do Men Like to Tease?

I used to think they pulled baby boys aside at birth and slid them a handbook on the flair and function of teasing their sisters with style. I had plenty of experience with teasing, practically from the time I was born. I have both an older and a younger brother and they practiced their skills on all four of their sisters.

My older brother elevated teasing to an art form – spending hours, even days, executing his particular brand of devilry. He’d speak to the middle of my forehead all day or call me any strange nickname he could think up or make fun of one physical attribute or another. In hindsight, pretty stupid stuff. But it’s enough to drive a seven- (or eight- or nine-) year-old to distraction.

My mother’s response was consistent: “Just ignore him!” I love my mother, but this advice was dreadful for obvious reasons. First is the essence of my brother’s nature. He is stubborn – even more stubborn than I am. Second, and more importantly, is the essence of my nature. I cannot hide my feelings. I am the world’s worst poker player. One high school English teacher said you could read my entire day on my face. Now imagine the combination of these two aspects in our respective personalities. If I had somehow managed to “ignore him” without for a moment imparting any emotion on my face – a feat that’s like climbing Everest for me – my brother’s response would be to try even harder to get a rise out of me. He would see it as an immense challenge worthy of conquering. Sadly, I never gave him such a challenge. Ignoring him is a practical impossibility.

My younger brother is also an expert tease, but he has his own unique style. Being a dozen years older, I avoided the brunt of his teasing, at least until he grew taller than me. When we could finally see eye-to-eye, he started pushing on the top of my head, to help me shrink enough so that I’d be shorter than him. Then he’d play word games, being deliberately obtuse and “misunderstanding” something I’d said to the point of ridiculousness. He still loves that game.

My brothers gave me a lot of practice dealing with the fine art of the tease. But I quickly learned the practice isn’t exclusive of sisters. Boys, in general, love to tease. They love getting a rise out of us and seeing us get all in a dither.

Most of the women I know don’t like this much. It’s irritating. It makes you uncomfortable. It brings out the worst in us. So why do it?

For my brothers, I can only guess that they couldn’t inflict any physical harm (no wrestling, no tackling, no hitting your sisters), so they resorted to a little mental torment. All siblings like to fight, and this is a good way to get your licks in without doing any physical damage.

But what about adult men? Is it a form of flirting? A way to get our attention? Going back to Mom, her response would be a resounding, “Yes. He’s only teasing you because he likes you!” That’s probably true, but aren’t there better ways of getting our attention?

Looking back, the tormenting from brothers probably prepared me for the strange teasing and games that happen in the adult world: in interpersonal relationships as well as the corporate world.

So why do men like to tease?

The only logical answer I can come up with is – because they find it so much fun.