The Left-Handed Conspiracy

Forget about Democrats and Republicans, the biggest political conspiracy involving the American Presidency over the last 30 years has nothing to do with party affiliation. It's the plot of the left-handed to wield power over the rest of us. Since Ronald Reagan took the oath of office in January 1981, we have only had one right-handed president: George W. Bush. Yes, Reagan, George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton are (or were) left-handed. And now, we are poised to have yet another southpaw in the Oval Office: Barack Obama.

The years before Reagan were also left-leaning. Both Harry S. Truman and Gerald Ford were among the left-handed leaders who tried to steer this country in the Way of the Southpaw. In the 150 years or so before them, we only had two other left-handed presidents: James Garfield and Herbert Hoover. Seems a little odd, doesn't it?

Consider that most studies estimate that no more than 10% of the population is left-handed, and you can come to no other conclusion than a conspiracy is afoot. The Left-Handed are attempting to take over the nation and they've been remarkably effective in doing so. Indeed, Al Gore, a southpaw, only lost the presidency through the astute machinations of the Supreme Court. If it had not been for their foresightedness, we might have been saddled with another left-handed president who would have led us down the wrong path for the last eight years. Close call, that one.

I'm sure the left-handed will just say they are higher achieving - or even smarter - than the rest of us. But don't believe them. Now that they are back in power, we can be sure they will use whatever means necessary to stay there.